funny + wine

Funny:
(Stolen from Peter Vu's blog)

1. Here's a prime example of "Men Are >From Mars, Women Are From Venus"

offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an
actual class assignment:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a
new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a
short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then
add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending
another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and
so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep
the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of
the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the
e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep
her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she
thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So
chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph! by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. " A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he
could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and
blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel",
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose
one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the
hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships
were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic
whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. " Oh,
shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING
TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads
too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

As*h@le.

(Gary)

B*tch!

(Rebecca)

F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

(Gary)

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.

Wine
2. At UCLA I am a member of the Purple Tongue Society. PTS is the wine club at UCLA. We meet biweekly for tastings. At our last tasting we tested out a handful of Zinfandels. The one I enjoyed the most was "7 Deadly Zins."

The Facts:
Wine Type: Zinfandel
Varietals: 100% Zinfandel
Alcohol: 14.8%
Price: $13-15 per bottle
Story: The grapes to make the wine come from 7 growers in Lodi, California (which Wikipedia calls the Zin capital of the world). The growers contribute their best grapes from vines that are 50 years old.

Thoughts:
This was a great full-bodied Zin. You can taste spices and fruits. It also had a reasonable amount of tannin; but relatively less than the other Zins we tasted. It was also considerably quaffable (which means you can drink it by itself, without a meal). The finish was easy. It makes for a nice inexpensive table wine.